The Perfect Shower

I've not kept count of the number of marinas and harbours we have visited this summer, in England, Scotland, France, Belgium and the Netherlands. Almost all of them have something wrong. Back at Ardfern this week, I realised the showers there are almost perfect. So here is my illustrated guide for Marina and Harbour owners.

Firstly, and perhaps most importantly, the shore heads should be available 24/7 and should be available for crews arriving after the staff have gone home. Ardfern just leaves them open. Stromness has the code written on the inside of the gate, where crews can see it but the public cannot. Many places lock the facilities between 10 pm and 7 am which is no use at all. There are even places where the local rules mean you shouldn't use your boat heads and they still lock the shore heads at night.

Once inside, the first obstacle one tends to face is a coin machine. The worst of these have a single machine for several showers with a knob to choose which shower you want to pay for. I'm not the only person to waste their only Euro coin getting this over-complicated system wrong. I've seen prices varying from 50 Euro cents to £2. Charging £2 for 7 minutes is ridiculous. Ardfern doesn't charge for its showers. This is the only acceptable policy. It's just too much like hard work trying to make sure you always have coins for all possible permutations of charging.

Once inside the cubicle the first problem is often not enough hooks to put ones clothes on. There should be at least two, one for the clothes and one for the towel. Three is better. Next, there should be somewhere to sit. You need to be able to sit down to dry your feet and put your shoes and socks on. Finally, and this is the one bit that is almost never right, the changing area should have a dry floor. How are we expected to put keep the bottom of our trousers dry if we have to put them on while standing on a wet floor? Ardfern gets this right three different ways - the shower is on the side of the cubicle, not the back, so it doesn't spray straight out into the changing area; there is a proper shower tray to keep the water in; there is a grid mat on the floor of the changing area.

Finally we get to the shower itself. There are so many ways to get this wrong. Worst is kind of shower where the head is fixed to the wall and the on button can't be reached without putting ones head under the shower, which inevitably comes on cold. Then there are the many ways of arranging the controls so that the temperature has to be adjusted after turning the water on. Another recipe for getting frozen or scalded. Ardfern has a domestic shower where the head is removable and the temperature control is separate from the on/off control so if the previous user has set the temperature OK it is still OK when you turn it on. A movable head also helps for cleaning those special parts. The ventilation grill clearly visible in the photo is also something of a rarity. I've showered in facilities where it was so hot and steamy that one felt one needed another shower by the time one was dressed. Finally, there is somewhere to put ones shampoo and glasses down at hand level. Not too rare this one, but surprisingly often absent.

So, I said that Ardfern was almost perfect. Where does it fall down? There is no hair drier in the men's showers. Some places have them in the ladies' but not the men's. Some have them but they are coin operated.

Come on, the requirements are pretty obvious, it isn't hard to get it right. How come so many places don't get it right?